My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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