You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
