Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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