she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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