i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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