i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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