just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
