At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
