I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
