i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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