When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
