Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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