my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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