Me too!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
