the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
