And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
