If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
