she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
