Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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