she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
