So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The air was thick with penises
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
