After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
