Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
