when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's paint friendship bongs
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
