OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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