I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
