You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
