so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
