She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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