did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
