the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
