she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
