mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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