Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
