I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
