listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
