Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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