I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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