I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
