Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
