He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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