my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
