just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
