i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
