Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
