just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
