Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
