Your dad touched me again.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
40s are totally the cure
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
