I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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