drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
