We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
