I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
