she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
