wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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